what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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