You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
