you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
