Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
