This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
