Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
