And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
