I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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