She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
