My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
