Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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