careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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