the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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