I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
