haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
