The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
