he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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