Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
