well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
