The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
