sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
