I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
