I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
