If i come over, it means nothing
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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