If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
