I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
