why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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