Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
