my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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