So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
