My friends, they love my intelligence
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I need water and some morals
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
