I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
