I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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