I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
