i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
