Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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