When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
