I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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