I want to have your abortion
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
