So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
