I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
