my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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