Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
