the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He is an equal opportunity slut.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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