i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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