Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This girl is more easily done than said...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
