i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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