He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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