Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
