Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
