Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
