His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
